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Well now! We call this the act of gaming. But there are several important differences between real people and pixels that you should know about. Alterac Valley had been buggy all day, but this game took the cake. Most people had already given up and logged off, but there were thirty three who still made the attempt to actually get their daily quota of honor gains completed. The first thing they noticed upon entering the map was that for some reason both sides general channel was working under the same language. For once, Horde and Alliance could actually talk to each other. The second thing that they noticed was that the match was taking too long to start. So of course, fifteen minutes in, David Renault broke into song... "Grind baby grind baby, but not the levelling kind. I mean like playing WoW online-" before he could finish his sentence he was sapped mid duel by a small Gnome, one Ardan Massenfer. "And then a Rogue gets you from behind. So here's your chance, drop my pants, like we're raiding Gruul but..." Ardan was cut off by Allen Gentle. "Like the mushroom from Mario brothers you are just gonna get one up. In your Thunder Bluff, Like a Shaman in the buff-" Gentle was stopped by Lucas Marcolini, who quickly grabbed him by the balls. "You'll love my totem where you PvP." Behind them, Cherish, in all her Night Elven grace, was naked and dancing. "I go for Teens I'm just like Blizzard and the ESRB." After this display Nolan Harkin stepped in, red eyed from his usual lack of sleep. "Stayin' up all night it seems careening to caffeine if you want to raid late I'll Mountain Dew ya!" While this was going on, Danyan Jhoutiyiyi slowly crept up behind Cherish. "Cuz' my Metal Gear's like Solid Snake hard to see but I'm breakin' into ya!" After this, both Alliance and Horde broke into the chorus. "Hard like Heroic more than you can handle! So lets do it like a Druid in the general channel!" Steve Myer threw in the exclamation "Get Woody now!" "Hard like Heroic more than you can handle! So lets do it like a Druid in the general channel!" At this Vina Sealander yelled out "Believe it!" "God dammit Vina! That's not the right line! l2p nub" Felix Mendalshon was livid. "sry" Responded Vina. Then, without warning, the gates to AV opened. The only person who was really ready for it was the Horde leader, Leon Reiger. He posed, and as he did the camera angles on his toon shifted rapidly. "The Blackguard!" "Of the Horde!" Everybody quickly mounted up and went off in a hurry for the other sides towers. The Alliance, Maurice Jackson at the head, moved straight past the Horde lieutenants, trying to cap Frostwolf as fast as they could. The Horde took a more defensive posture, Leon Reiger leading a group in defense of Frostwolf, with Jennifer Morales leading an attack group to meet the Alliance defenders at Balinda. Lo and behold, Morales' group ran straight into Maurice Jackson and the bulk of the Alliance right outside Iceblood Garrison. Everything would have been fine, the Alliance would have rushed straight past, if Ross Howe hadn't typhooned the lot of them off their mounts. The resulting brawl was pretty quick. Jackson and Morales, both Warriors, charged each other, ending up stunned and outside melee range of each other. Ardan cloaked and vanished Howe's moonfire, and shadowstepped to him. One stunlock later Ross dropped dead, but the DoT and Thorns damage was a bit much. Xander and Arcaile Nasr descended upon him, both having popped Avenging Wrath. Massenfer took a 7k judgement crit, and seemed doomed, but was saved by Cheat Death. A Preperation and a Vanish later he was out of combat, and Lucas Marcolini jumped in between the two Paladins. Jonas Keller jumped between the two Paladins, and one Thunderstorm later the entire Horde group was broken up. Jackson intercepted Morales, popped Recklessness, and dropped Morales, Xander and Arcaile almost instantly. Buffs wearing down, he was taken out by a POM Pyro by Samson Ellison, who was a moment later overrun by the majority of the Alliance team. Five Horde down, and only one Alliance death. Morales' team saddled up and rushed past the Plain of Strife, past the Frostwolf Graveyard and into Frostwolf keep, chatting while they went. "omg check out my DPS I've done most damage!" Jackson exclamed, admiring his string of crits in the combat log. Other people groaned at the corpses annoyance, but soon Jackson became irritated. The graveyards weren't working... "WTF! Blizz needs to fix this shit." Maurice wailed. The dead Horde however, found this much more hilarious. "I'm the ghoooooooost of Arcaile Naaaaaasrrrrrrrrrrrrr" Arcaile said, running around Leon Reiger at Frostwolf Keep. The Death Knight grumbled, but before long went into one of his characteristic phrases. "You are not acting like one of..." "Of the Horde!" Just then, the raid warning came up. Altecha Chan had capped Snowfall. "WHAT! You don't cap snowfall! Why did you cap Snowfall?!" Eric Kyrion screamed. In his anger at the Hordes stupidity, he went to his diplomacy tab and clicked At War with the Frostwolf, eager on a bout of teamkilling. The Frostwolf Marshalls all aggro'd and killed him pretty instantaneously. Allen Gentle pointed and laughed, mocking Eric. "Cocks cocks cocks cocks cocks!" He said, clucking like a chicken. Eric responded with a "reported" but nobody cared. A few seconds later, Reigers defense group was rushed by the Alliance offense. This time the battle was a little bit more fierce. Reiger dropped several off their mounts with a quick combo of Desecration and Death and Decay. He Death Gripped Darius Carver, the Hunter activating Deflection as he flew through the air. Reiger was annoyed at his attacks doing no damage, Darius quickly Disengaging out of range. However, he was brought down from the towers, Gentle and Marcolini spamming chain lightning on them from above. Cherish, still naked, vanished and shadowstepped up the tower, and before long Marcolini dropped. Seeing his boyfriend fall off the tower and die, Gentle hit Bloodlust and Elemental Mastery. One Lava burst later, Cherish was falling to the ground himself. Seeing the moment, Reiger dropped his Horde battle standard, yelling out his challenge. "For the Blackguard!" "For the Horde!" He was already surrounded, David Renault, Nolan Harkin, Danyan Jhoutiyiyi and Bishop Kratos pounding on him from all sides. Popping every cooldown he could think of, the Death Knight waded into his enemies. His Dancing Rune Weapon felled Jhoutiyiyiyi almost as fast as he felled Harkin, but a HoJ from behind brought Kratos to his attention. He popped Avenging Wrath and was just about to bring Reiger down, when a Cyclone out of nowhere took him out of the fight. Bretton Von Ekten appeared from inside the tower, quick Lifeblooms rolling over Reiger and bringing him back to health. Ion Bossa-Nova took Ekten out in a single shot, readying Bestial Wrath to take out Reiger. But before he could do so, Kalila Darwesh appeared behind him, the Enhancement Shaman activating her Spirit Wolves. Pounding her axes into his skull, the last thing Ion managed to see was the Ghost of Arcaile Nasr dancing in the middle of the battlefield. Cameron Sune and John Church tried to make it inside the bunker, the two Druids dropping into cat form and stealthing as quick as they could. However, Felix Mendalshon was faster, dropping his flare right in front of the door. Taking out his shotgun he used a silencing shot to stop Church, slamming bullet after bullet into Sune before he dropped. Church barely had time to call Mendalshon a "racist fag" before dropping himself. Mendalshon was amused, dropping his remark over general. "May be a racist but at least I downed you two useless treehugger Dr00ds!" The remaining two Alliance attackers, Bishop Kratos and David Renault, were cut to ribbons by Reiger and the Blackguard. The defense of Frostwolf complete, they all sat down, Bloodlust and the Battle Standards buffs wearing off them. Slowly, each member of the Horde picked up his water and began to drink. "Have Courage!" "And Appetites!" It was now seven Horde vs. ten Alliance, and Reiger and his Blackguard had their work cut out for them. They were outnumbered, they had lost the middle in the initial Alliance assault, and Chan had stupidly capped Snowfall. Hudson Kyle, a well known and well geared tank, was trying to explain to Chan why you never cap Snowfall. "Okay look. The Alliance has the advantage in this map, but they're also generally younger players and more impulsive. They have this wonderful turtle point at the bridge, something we don't have. If they turtle, and especially when we have no resses, they win. If we play D we can stop their rush at Frostwolf and then push back while they're disorganized, but if you cap Snowfall then they all res at the back of the map and it won't disorganize them." "But... But... The ressers don't work. Why does it matter?" Chan was confused. "Isn't it good to play defensively and take everything?!" "AUGH! L2P nub." Kyle moaned, picking up his mace and walking off. Just then Reiger had an idea. "Wait! Lets summon Laurentolar, the Jukon V Ice Lord type!" It was a brilliant scheme. If they managed to successfully summon Laurentolar, the Alliance would be doomed. However, first they had to collect the necessary blood, and go through the complex summoning ritual. With nobody respawning, collecting the necessary blood might be impossible. "Do we have enough blood?" Hudson asked, stating the obvious. The lot of them started sifting through the enemy corpses, Arcaile still dancing in the background. He'd recently taken a noggenfogger while dead and turned into a ghost pirate. "Wait, here's something!" Kalila said as she searched through Kratos' corpse. For some reason his bags were entirely filled, to the brim, with other peoples blood. Without asking questions they gathered Bishops bags and ran off to the Laurentolar summoning circle. They went to the summoning circle and started the complex ritual, Darwesh and her spirit wolves guarding the hill. She decided to point out that their names were Sakura and Centro, which nobody really cared about or understood. "Oh no! Guys! They're summoning Laurentolar! Believe it!" Vina exclaimed. It could be a real thing, or it could be a ruse. There was no way they had enough blood. Or did they? The Alliance had a quick meeting, and decided they couldn't be sure, and would split their forces. Ardan Massenfer, Jonas Keller and Matt McEvoy, all Rogues, decided to investigate. They were sneaking along, trying to remain hidden, when suddenly Centro and Sakura noticed them. The spirit wolves charged Keller, Darwesh moving in for the kill. "Ahh! Why do you always do this to me Kalila!" Keller yelled as he fell, the dogs biting at his innards. McEvoy shadowstepped behind Darwesh (notice that all Rogues are the same spec) but was quickly pulled into the summoning circle by Reigers death grip. A moment later McEvoy became more blood for the sacrifice, Ardan once again vanishing and sneaking away. Nobody noticed that Kalila needed heals, and after a few seconds she fell, dropped by Rogue poisons. After another minute, Laurentolar was summoned. The Horde knelt down, heralding their new leader, the powerful Jukon hovered above them. It was a terror to behold. Multiple nuclear missiles were stored in its innumerable frontal silos, the torpedo launchers firing powerful Frostfire MIRV warheads. An Ice Barrier floated around the lord of all Jukons, clicking and clattering as its magical properties touched the mortal sky. A huge headspike was placed over the bridge, which stared at the lot of the Horde with a single, raging mono-eye. Reiger saluted Laurentolar. "The Blackguard asks for your assistance oh mighty one! We have brought the blood of innocents, and request your service." Laurentolar glared at him menacingly, and it seemed as if the very sky darkened. The snow beneath their feet froze as the Ice Lords power waxed, the ability to destroy the entirety of the Stormpike as obvious as its unbreakable Arcanite armor. No one moved as Laurentolar slowly began to speak. Funnily, the Ice Lords voice was rather high pitched. "Screw you guys. I'm gonna go fap." That was all he said, and Laurentolar then unsummoned himself. The remaining five Horde looked at each other. With a little bit of grumbling, they formed a party for the maximizing of their buffs, and went off to the Stormpike bridge. There were eight Alliance left, and they waited at the choke point just in front of the bridge, sitting at the Stormpike graveyard. if worse came to worse they would move back beyond the bridge, but they still had the number advantage. However, being Alliance, they weren't paying too much attention when Reiger's men charged them, screaming their ferocious battlecry. "The Blackguard!" "Of the Horde!" The lot of them were upon the alliance in an instant. Sealander went down first, the Hunter having no defense against, well, anything. Cervantes Zuhr popped his AoE fear, the Warlock casting Haunt after Haunt on the lot of his enemies, cackling about shooting small children as he went. Mendalshon dropped him with an Aimed Shot, and then Kyle waded into the middle of the alliance, the tank popping his own Fear. The Alliance, all being Humans at this point, used their racials in tandem, removing the fear and dropping all at once onto Hudson Kyle. Even with Shield Wall he seemed doomed, managing to take out Zuhr with an Execute but inevitably starting to lose health. Just before he was about to die, a Pain Suppression was activated on him, Binding Heals following shortly after. He looked back, Altecha Chan healing through the entire enemy teams damage. "You didn't tell me you were a Priest! I love you now!" Kyle gasped. Chan laughed, throwing a Power Infusion on Allen Gentle, who dropped another Bloodlust and Chain Lightninged the lot of the enemy. Candice Ro went down, shouting something about being too beautiful to die, but it was not enough to save her. It was looking good for the Horde, but then a pair of judgement crits brought Kyle down, Hector Lagrama and Daren Sanders coming to the rescue. "More Paladins?!" Groaned Chan. He was unable to run away, as Ardan Massenfer destealthed behind him, forcing him into a stunlock. The Rogue made short work of the brittle Priest, moving into Mendalshon with a Sprint. Activating Slice and Dice, he dropped the Hunter quickly. Sanders and Renault popped their bubbles and went for Reiger and Allen Gentle, the only two remaining Horde on the battlefield. Things looked desperate. David Renault and Tobias Kendrick Obrien, a pair of warriors, came up behind the Paladins, Recklessness activated. The Horde was pretty screwed at this point. However, as if saving the day yet again, Chan returned as the Spirit of Redemption, quickly HoTing up the two remaining Horde before throwing a Mass Dispel over the Alliance. The bubbles and the Recklessness buffs dissipated, and in that moment Allen Gentle threw in his Thunderstorm, right over the Stormpike bridge. Daren Sanders, Ardan Massenfer, David Renault and Hector Lagrama went flying off the bridge, dropping to the canyon below and their deaths. However, Tobias, in the split second he required, flipped on Defensive stance and a shield, and hit Shield Reflect. Gentle's Thunderstorm was reflected back to himself even though Shield Reflect doesn't reflect AoE's, and he too dropped to his death at the bottom of the canyon. "Blizz needs to fix that stupid bug! Cooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooks~" He yelled, slowly going out of earshot. And then, only two combatants remained, Tobias Kendrick Obrien and Leon Reiger. The Stormpike versus the Blackguard. The two had an epic duel at the Stormpike bridge, something that can only be told properly in stories. Reiger summoned the Ghost of Arcaile Nasr as a zombie ghoul, who attacked Obrien from behind. Obrien moved back, activating Sweeping Strikes, and slowly DPS'd the two down. Taking out the Ghoul, he realized he was then at half health, having been forced to split DPS between Reiger and the pet. He feared Leon and began to bandage, Leon running around senseless for a few seconds. Remembering his trinket, Reiger broke the fear and Death Gripped Tobias back into the battle, dropping his Dancing Rune Weapon and Death and Decay. Tobias howled, moving into Battle Stance and hitting Retaliation. Reiger activated Bone Shield and tanked his way through the damage, beating on Tobias even as his Rune Weapon killed itself. The two slammed their weapons into each other, the very bridge cracking beneath their feet. Tobias knew at this point he only had one chance to break through the Death Knights defenses. He watched Reigers health as it dropped to 22%... 21%, while he himself could only last a few more seconds. Suddenly it hit 20%, and in a flash, Tobias dropped every attack he had left. Execute, Mortal Strike and Heroic Strike all hit in tandem. However, they weren't quite enough, a Leon Reiger at four percent health dropping Tobias with another strike. A battlefield of corpses behind them, Reiger slammed his Horde Battle Standard into the ground, looking past the Stormpike Bridge and onto the carnage of the valley below. "The Blackguard!" "Of the Ho--urkh!" He was unable to finish his sentence, as Ardan Massenfer appeared behind him, a single backstab finishing the Death Knight off. The small Gnome Rogue began to dance, wearing his level 50 quest reward, the Cloak of Slow Fall. 1st place - Ardan Massenfer, 7 VP gained 2nd place - Leon Reiger, 7 VP gained 3rd place - Tobias Kendrick Obrien, 4 VP gained Eric Kyrion - 4 VP gained Samson Ellison - 4 VP gained Xander O'Reilly - 5 VP gained Bretton Von Ekten - 5 VP gained Lucas Marcolini - 4 VP gained Arcaile Nasr - 5 VP gained Ross Howe - 3 VP gained Laurent Auclair - 4 VP gained Kalila Darwesh - 4 VP gained Felix Mendalshon - 4 VP gained Allen Gentle - 5 VP gained Altecha Chan - 5 VP gained Hudson Kyle - 4 VP gained Hector Lagrama - 3 VP gained Daren Sanders - 4 VP gained David Renault - 4 VP gained Candice Ro - 4 VP gained Cervantes Zuhr - 4 VP gained Vina Sealander - 5 VP gained Ion Bossa-Nova - 3 VP gained Darius Carver - 4 VP gained Maurice Jackson - 3 VP gained Danyan Jhouty - 4 VP gained Nolan Harkin - 3 VP gained Cherish Woods - 3 VP gained Cameron Sune - 4 VP gained John Church - 4 VP gained Bishop Kratos - 4 VP gained Jonas Keller - 4 VP gained Matt McEvoy - 4 VP gained |