Role-Playing Critique

One More Year (RP) - 2/13/10
- I liked this. Any rping in this universe that uses mobile suits as a fact of reality rather than a central concept is always something appeals to me. Minovsky and the beam saber was a nice touch. I would've used a new post for every major scene change though just to make it easier on the eyes. But that's me. :>

One More Day (RP) - 2/14/10
- I liked this too, particularly how you described the GM. Reminds me why I like grunt suits - not because they're weak, challenging to use or anything - but they're simple. And simplicity is paramount in telling a good story.

Rest later. All in all, I've been keeping up with your character, and I think he's really well put together.

Mine if you wish to review:

It Begins

Haunting

Reflection

God. Damn. Dopps.

I Will Survive\

God I'm so slow at RPing.

zepp: Zepp, I like your character. David Mass is an interesting person, and despite his bad luck so far, it will be interesting to follow his actions over the next few weeks.

Your RPing is fine. More interaction with other characters would be nice - not that David has had much of a chance for it, yet (shame about your MS team). I'd like to read backstory that fills in a bit more of what's happened since Edward/Sayla.

You use pictures in your RP. Use them wisely. So far, the most helpful picture has been the one of the 01 MS Team, in your post memorializing their deaths, and your least helpful ones have been the foxes and the radio. We know what foxes and radios look like. Things like the Zona Rosa sign, etc. are good. If you want to make your pictures even more at-home in your posts, use an image editor to give them a distinct, styled border. That way, they'll look more like pictures that belong in your post, and less like pictures you just grabbed off the Internet.

Overall, I get the feeling that David (the character, not you) has lost his focus. It will interesting to see if and how his goals crystallize in Constantinople, and how he goes about planning to achieve those goals.

@dj Aurem and Arieta are both interesting characters, and you've even managed to make them interesting as a couple. Aurieta, as I choose to call, interact on a believable, non-annoying level. I think we proved with our group RP (and your RP with Jojo) that they should interact with other characters more. (In fact, all my group RPs have shown me that PCs should interact on a more regular basis.)

I'm interested in seeing where the Aurieta thing is going to go, especially considering Forgotten Dreams - which was a little confusing, by the way. In any case, you have a lot of choices for RP topics. Write some more about Aurem's brother, already! Write some more about why Aurem doesn't remember stuff! Write moar!

I'm still pretty behind on yours Radune; I did read the journals, and I loved those. Just the concept outshines standard RPing. I'm very interested in where he's going.

oywrpg4.proboards.com/index.cgi?board=5roleplaying&action=display&thread=3177&page=1

I changed my styling a little bit; tell me what you guys think.

Radune and Kuriboh
Linking to some of your most recent RPs, or linking them from your characters' profiles, would make critique easier. But that said...

Radune
I like your RPs. The recent one with Kuri was interesting; it's nice to see Emil interacting with another human being. I haven't read all your posts all the way back, but the journals are definitely interesting. I'm eager to see where you go with the craziness - whether he will improve, or get worse, and how that will affect his actions and personality. Keep them coming.

kuriboh
Again, I haven't read your RPs all the way back, so this is just based on the last couple of weeks. The interaction between Florian and his handler always creeps me out. I hate Florian's handler; she is evil. Good job with that. Here's what I, personally, would like to see: I want Florian to be able to resist more, or for the handler to start to feel pity, or to see Florian begin to connect with another human being in a real, genuine way. I don't like how Florian is always getting beaten down by the abusive system he's in. Maybe he can do something with his Newtype awesome to fight the powa. In any case, you're another one of the people whose RPs I look forward to reading. Good work!

ender
What stood out to me at first was that some of your posts are written in past tense (Onto the Next Field of Battle, Faith), and some are written in present tense (Full Throttle). It's not a problem, per se, as you're good about not switching tenses midway through a post (at least not since Feeling the Ground. But, as a reader, I am more comfortable reading stories written in the past tense, and I don't feel that writing in the present tense adds anything special to narratives. But ultimately, it's up to you what tense you write in.

There were a few minor spelling errors in Field of Battle, but nothing too distracting, and your style has improved since then. A few things seemed randomly-capitalized (Fire For Effect, Battle Lusting); they seem to be titles of specific things, but since they aren't frequently used elsewhere in your writing - granted, I didn't go back too far - they come across as out-of-place. I like how you italicize the names of ships (Decimator). Good choice.

As far as content goes, your posts always focus on what is happening, which is good. My favorite of the RPs I read would have to be Cry Havoc, due to the PC-PC interaction, and Field of Battle, because we get into Alec's head a bit.

Alec is a fighting machine, and as a fighting machine is a little bit one-dimensional. He lives for the battle, for Zeon, and for making sure nothing distracts him from those things. You've deepened him a little bit with Faith, but there is still plenty for you to tell about Alec the human being.

I'm looking forward to seeing how Alec will react to the recent defection, how unwavering his devotion to Zeon will remain (will he ever have any doubts?), and how he interacts with other human beings when off-duty. Basically, I want to know what makes him tick. I look forward to more RP posts from you.