Realistic Pirate CYOA

"Same as you: Feats of daring-do, love of sweets and rugged good looks."

The man laughs and takes a last bite, finishing his steak.

"So, I've been around for a while. It seems they keep us in this asylum." He looks to a doctor. "This is an insane asylum, right?"

The man looks baffled. It's obvious none of the doctors speak English.

"Anyway," Lee continues, leaning closer. "If you want to break out of here, I have a plan..."

The nurses are picking up plates.

You motion to your leg.

"Might be too broken for breaking out. But if you have a replacement leg for me, or a plan to get me out without one, I'm all ears. Also, did you see a man and a woman bring me here? Are they still around?"

He closes his remaining eye.

"Haven't seen shit. And no. Okay, after the sponge bath, at dinner, grab whatever you can from the table to be used as a weapon. Hide it and stash it in your room. Meet me here, at midnight."

You nod, and he leaves. Violent person, it seems.

You are escorted by your doctor to your room. He checks your leg, writes some notes, then speaks to someone outside the room and disappears.

A woman holding a clipboard is in front of you.

"Aha, Monsieur Coulson. It zeems you are sched-ju-juled for a sponge bain."

French. Dear lord. The clipboard is blocking her face, but her sparse garments reveal a voluptuous figure and stiletto heels.


"Are you ready, monsieur?"

"Yes!"

The woman lowers the board slightly.

"Anna!"

The woman smiles and tackles you to the ground. Something which, to a one legged man, is surprisingly easily to do. You step back, or at least think you do on your phantom leg, and fall to the ground like a sack of bricks. With a faceful of Anna.

"Mon captain!" she says, showering you with kisses. "I thought you would never awaken!"

"What has happened? Where is Gildas?"

She spits at the ground. "That low life tossed you in here and sold me to a brothel. I got out, as you can see, and infiltrated this place as a nurse."

You think about how a word like "infiltrate" is spelt. Then, you remember you can barely read. [+1 Reading]

She leans over you. "I've been giving you these sponge baths for quite a few weeks now."

You flush with embarassment.

She laughs and taps your nose. "But, now that you're awake, it's time to get out of here. I've fallen in with some mercenaries, ex-conquistadors and rich frenchmen who don't hold to their nations. How about it? Ready to bust out of here, or should I finish your bath?"

The choices, the choices.

"If you've been here a while, then you know the old guy - Lee Majors, I think his name was. Seems like the useful sort. If you agree, I'd like to take him with us. In any case, he was planning on escaping today anyway."

She curtsies. "As you wish, m'lord. JAMES!" she yells.

A tall black man with large chainless shackles appears.

"Now?"

"Not yet. Pick up Lee on the way out."

James grimaces. "The man is an honorless scoundrel."

"Then he'll fit in right with us," you say, tapping James on the shoulder.

With distinction, your lively gang of you, Anna, James, and a few of these Spanish mercenaries walk by the doctors unmolested.

"We're breaking out."

The man tips his head, looks at James, and shrugs.

"I'll take a free ride."

You and your posse hobble out of the sanitarium. On the way out, a doctor is speaking to you. He's saying something repeatedly, and holding up a bag of herbs.

One of the Spanish mercenaries translates.

"This is your doctor, senor. He says that these herbs will slow the infection in your leg from spreading to your body. He also begs you to stay in his care. What shall I say?"

Well?

You take the bag of herbs. "Gracias, doctor!" [+1 Language] [You now understand Spanish.]

And they thought you didn't know Spanish. You consider taking the doctor too, but decide against it.

On the walk out you hear a yelp.

It appears James does not have your resilience to temptation. The doctor first yells and calls people to his person, but no one dares challenge the large man.

Step by step your happy crew makes it to your hide out. A brothel!

You enter through a curtain to a sensual paradise full of smoky air.

"Our room is on the second floor. This way Daniel."

Anna leads the way. You pause for a moment on how to tackle the stairs, when suddenly you are in the air.

You are hauled over James' other shoulder like cargo. He is a powerhouse.

"Uh.. thanks. Sorry there, Doc. Didn't mean to get you into this."

He shrugs. It seems he does understand some English. "No problemo."

Well, at least he's cooperative.

James takes you through the top hallway, barely managing not to smash your head against the ceiling. He then enters a room and drops you and the doctor roughly in the bed.

"Get some sleep. Tend to my friend. If you hobble out of here, I'll hear you fall down the stairs. Then you'll fall down my fist. I'll be downstairs, getting drunk."

You think for a moment what that means.

James exits and leaves you to get acquainted with your kidnapped doctor. He takes off his glasses and polishes them.

"¿Cómo está su pierna?"

You blink for a moment. He gestures to your leg.

"Oh.. oh it's alright." He nods.

"¿Quieres una prótesis?"

He's gesturing again. He seems to be putting a large candlestick to your leg, but you have no idea what he's talking about.

What ever could he mean?

"Yes, I want a prosthesis." You go on to describe a peg leg that is effectively a sheathed sword.

You bask in my awesomeness, wondering why no self-respecting pirate has ever thought of this idea before.

The doctor looks at you blankly for a good amount of time, watching your antics.

Then, he gets up, grabs a sword beside the bed, pulls a leg off a chair, and gets to work.

Well, he's busy. You doze off to sleep as he works. Eventually he sleeps as well. Next to you.

~

DREAM SEQUENCE

YOU ARE A KITCHEN UTENSIL. WHAT KIND?

A. FORK
B. SPOON
C. KNIFE
D. GUN